this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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