i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
