he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
accomplished twins. life is a go
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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