When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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