i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
