i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
