I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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