I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
