I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize