brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
