My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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