I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
