I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
