What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
