Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
