at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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