So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
