moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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