did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
