I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize