So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
