We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
