there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
