Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
