So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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