I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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