Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
