whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
