I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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