please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
