I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
one might say we're banned from that church
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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