I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
