just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize