laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
