How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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