3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
