Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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