dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
