Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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