My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
