I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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