You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
