Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
