you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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