you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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