Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
