I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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