I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
now i know why i became what i already was.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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