My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
