She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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