I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
