We won't sleep together?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
