anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
