You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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