so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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