My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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