Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize