i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
