i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
