but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
