so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
