do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
