The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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