i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
