you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
