Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize