We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
