every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well you can't waste a boner
she smelled like a LAN party
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
