how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
