she was so not down for the gang bang
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
