Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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