things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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