you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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