Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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