I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
