I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
