I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
