she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
