i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
