i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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